dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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