Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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