drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
