Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
