You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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