Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
