in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
