How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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