I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
