i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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