I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
