I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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