My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
