All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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