Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
