I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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