So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
