Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
