You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
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did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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