the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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