I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She bit a glass in half.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
