If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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