You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
COCAINE IS GR8
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
