dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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