it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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