If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Say something about gay babies.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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