Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so that wasnt chicken after all
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
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Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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