Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
