im gay
i know
yea but for you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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