Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
