Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your cock deserves a montage
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
