i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
