I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
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AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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