But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
