idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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