Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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