Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
