So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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