Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
