I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
