goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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