He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
