I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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