Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
