he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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