remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
