Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
