A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
