What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
