Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
