Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
