Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
