What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
